Some tough love
You’re giving up if you accept this eating disorder as the only life you’ll ever live. As broken and controlled as you are by that voice in your head, the one that’s telling you you’ll never be good enough, you’re never too weak to fight it. You may think that the voice holds the key to your freedom, but it doesn’t. You do. Don’t accept any lifestyle that’s not making you happy. Life is too short for that. It’s easy to admit defeat, wallow in self pity, and continue with this self destructive mindset to the point of exhaustion. Anyone can do that. Choose not to. Someone once told me that with the right human emotion, you can get yourself to do anything. We all find excuses for why we can’t do something. We don’t have enough money. We don’t have the support. We don’t have the information. We don’t have the time. Those could all be valid reasons, but what resources you have are not the defining factors of whether you’re capable of doing something or not. The emotion that propels you forward and carries you through is the ultimate resource. Some call it emotional fitness, others call it psychological strength. What does this mean? It means you have no real excuse. You might not have the support you want to recover from this eating disorder. You might not have the money to get medical help and therapy. You might not have time to attend a group session. What you DO have and will ALWAYS have is that desire for happiness. You might not care about your health, but I can damn well bet my life that you care about your happiness. Every emotion that you pour into this recovery can and will take you further than any emotion you ever poured into your eating disorder. The anger you direct towards your body can be directed towards your eating disorder. The attentiveness and resourcefulness you put into researching and learning about losing weight and staying thin can be directed towards researching and learning about recovery and how to transform both your body and mind. The self control and strength you had to muster whenever you restricted can be used to keep you on this journey, no matter how hard it gets. You have what it takes to recover. Believe it.