I’m coming to find that aspects of my unhappiness can be changed if I am just willing to try, despite the many times that I have, in fact, tried. I give reasons for why something hasn’t happened, why things are the way they are, why I am so unhappy, and they always seem to trace back to failures of myself or others. “I am not enough.” “They are not enough.” ”I can’t do it.” “They won’t let me do it.”
Too readily am I willing to admit defeat, to allow my thoughts to fold to negativity and self pity, to pine for an ideal model of self and life, shutting out any chances of accepting this very moment. It’s a loss of perspective.
I am tired of trying. We are all tired of trying, when nothing ever seems to be good enough. But until you can say that you really did give it everything you had, then don’t stop. Nothing worth having is ever easily won. This will be something I will have to remind myself everyday, until I believe it. Until I can live it out at every moment.
If positive thoughts come along more often than not and my heart stays open, then it is worth the struggle if I can have a peace of mind.
