Hey, I really like your blog and what you are doing to promote self-love and happiness. Ii have a question, but its not directly about my body: I don't have many friends even though I would like to, and that sometimes makes me sad. The worst thing is that I don't understand why. I ask myself all these questions and doubt myself all the time. Do you have any tips for finding friends or for accepting my current situation and myself? I would be very grateful.
You sound like a really nice person :) I’ve been where you are. It’s how I felt for a very long time when I first came to college. I’m not sure how good my advice will be, but this is what helped me, so hopefully it can help you!
Sometimes we analyze ourselves or our situation from all angles, over and over again, so we can figure out the problem and find a solution. But I’m finding that process to be really toxic. Most of the time, you’re just left feeling more insecure and troubled than before. In this situation, I don’t think it’s important to know WHY you don’t have many friends right now. What matters is what you can do to feel good about yourself and change what you can!
My advice is to stop thinking that something is wrong with you. Don’t ask yourself anymore of those, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make friends” type questions. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s hard to make friends and reach out to others when you’re insecure or in a dark place. It takes a lot of energy and effort to get out of your own head and socialize if you’re stuck in your insecurities. Trust yourself and believe in yourself because if you do, you’ll have the confidence to put yourself out there and make friends. Think about the people you DO have relationships with and who care for you. The numbers don’t matter. The fact that you have those relationships says a lot.
In terms of finding friends, I think it depends on the environment and where you’re at. But with that aside, as you probably already know, to make friends you have to meet people and put yourself out there. Whether it’s trying out for a team or intramural sport, joining a club or student group, getting to know someone in your class or at work, volunteering or starting a new job, any activity that gets you out of your own house and with others is a good first step.
In my case, I joined a lot of clubs and I didn’t click with the people. At first I thought, “Oh it’s me,” but then I realized I was looking at a group of 20 people in a school of over 25,000 undergrads. So sometimes we have to do some searching to find our niche. Personally, I don’t have the kind of clique I had when I was in high school. But once I let go of “counting” how many friends I had, I was able to appreciate and accept the friends I did make and did have.
I also think reaching out is important. Being the one to initiate something can be intimidating, but often that’s all it takes and you lose nothing from being nice! Asking someone to lunch or to meet up can take some courage, especially if you hardly know each other, but that’s how a lot of friendships start. Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, try it! You might be surprised. Sometimes we’re lucky and we meet someone who we instantly click with and we become great friends. But usually, it takes a long time to build strong relationships with others. Stay positive, be patient, be courageous, and TRUST me when I say, there’s nothing wrong with you!