❝ If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go. ❞
❝ Feeling insecure is hard. It’s rough. It’s the kind of pain and suffering that others can’t see. You can hide by flashing a smile or using social media to lie for you. And because of this, you think you’re the only one. You feel incredibly alone. These moments often start and end as hate filled sessions of self-loathing. It begins with one thought: “I’m so insecure” and escalates into something much worse: “I am worthless and no one likes me.” Notice these moments because they’re critical. They’re opportunities for change. You can choose to be self critical, ruminate, and ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I like this? Who wants to be around someone like me?” OR, you can choose to be kind, to lift yourself up and say “Yes, I’m feeling insecure. Yes, I’m feeling down about myself and life, but that’s okay. It will pass. I am good enough. There is nothing with me. This is simply a reminder to care for myself.” It’s in your vulnerability that you grow. The more you see these moments as gentle reminders for self love, the better you’ll get at accepting your negative thoughts, instead of feeding into them or letting them consume you. You simply let them come and go like waves. And that, my friend, is how you learn to love yourself. ❞
❝ Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ❞
Closing your laptop and leaving your bedroom can do wonders for your psyche.
My favorites from this list include:
- Lighting candles
- Freshly brewed tea
- Soft, warm clothing
- Yoga and pilates
- Chatting with someone who listens
- Deep breathing exercises
- Going outside and enjoying the weather and sounds
- Listening to my favorite songs
Today’s mental health reminder: a relapse, a sudden series of attacks, a string of awful days, (or whatever your step back may be) does not decrease your value. Take your time, do some self care, reflect on the progress that you have made. You are strong; one step back is nothing when you look at the journey you have already made.
Overcome binge eating
If you google, “How to overcome binge eating” you’ll get a slew of advice articles that basically give you different ideas on how to distract yourself. Go for a walk, call a friend, do the dishes, avoid the kitchen, etc. The problem with this, as many of you might’ve experienced, is that sometimes it just. doesn’t. work. Understanding WHY you’re bingeing is important (read: you’re restricting, dieting, or in a “diet” mentality), but it doesn’t really help you when you’re just about to binge. So, how do you overcome it?
- Don’t distract yourself. Apply mindfulness to the temptation or urge. When you experience the urge to binge, sit with it. Pay attention to the urge, without trying to change or get rid of it. What thoughts do you have at this time? What sensations are you experiencing in your body at this time? What is your urge telling you to binge on? Visualize the urge as a wave in the ocean. Listen to this guided practice on “Urge Surfing.” Applying mindfulness will actually act on your brain regions related to cravings, break the connection, and reduce the urge. It’s changing your brain’s physiological response. Incredible, right? Read about the research here.
- Be self compassionate, not self critical. When you give in to an urge or temptation, your reaction might be to beat yourself up about it. Why did you do that? You have no self control. No wonder you’re like this. You’ll never change. You might think that being harsh with yourself will get you back on track and motivate you to do better next time. But findings from Adams and Leary’s research study, show that the harder you are on yourself and the more you experience shame and guilt for a setback, the more likely you will be to experience that same setback and at an even greater degree. By being critical, you’re putting yourself in a state of distress, which you try to relieve by engaging in the very behavior you’re trying to eliminate! Translation? Be kind to yourself after a setback. Forgive yourself and remind yourself that you’re human. Setbacks are part of the process of change. They say nothing about who you are as a person. What matters in the long term is how you respond to setbacks, not that you had the setback in the first place. The power of forgiveness has some of the strongest supporting evidence in the research of willpower. Learn more here, starting from 14:55.
- Watch this Youtube video (start at 9:00) of a girl who overcame binge-eating. She sees it as breaking the habit of binge-eating, rather than as a willpower challenge. But the difference in our explanation matters less than what you can gain from our agreed position that mindfulness (“Allow the thoughts to come - do not reason, rationalize, or distract: LISTEN BUT DO NOT ACT”) and self compassion (“You have to learn to love who you are.”) are the way to go.
Remember! No matter how many setbacks you have or how often you have them, the important thing is to never give up on yourself. You’re WORTH it. You deserve to be happy, to be at peace, to love yourself, to enjoy your life, and to eat well. I struggled with restricting and binge eating for a long time before kicking the toxic cycle for good. If I can do it, YOU can do it.
*Disclaimer*: This is not a substitute for getting help if you’re struggling with binge-eating or any other eating disorder that includes bingeing. Therapy can be an incredible step in your recovery. These are two simple tips that I used to overcome binge-eating, which I later found supporting evidence for.
good things to tell yourself everyday
❁ i am worthy
❁ i am more than my appearance
❁ i am loved
❁ i am cared for
❁ i am strong
❁ i am beautiful
❁ i am a good person
❁ i am allowed to get rid of the toxic people in my life
❁ my body does not define me
❁ i deserve respect
❁ i deserve good things
❁ i do not need to justify my actions
❁ and most importantly, i can get through anything.
❝ Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. ❞
—— Mahatma Gandhi
❝ Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom. The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become. Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become. ❞
—— Jim Rohn